>> ♫ MAKE ME
BEAUTIFUL ♫
♫ MAKE ME
THE PERFECT SOUL,
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT
LIE ♫
[LIGHTS BUZZING]
>> ♫ THE BEST IS YET TO COME,
AND, BABE, WON´T IT BE FINE?
YOU THINK YOU´VE SEEN THE SUN,
BUT YOU AIN´T SEEN IT SHINE,
WAIT TILL THE WARM-UP´S
UNDER WAY,
WAIT TILL OUR LIPS HAVE MET,
WAIT TO SEE THAT SUNSHINE DAY,
YOU AIN´T SEEN NOTHIN´ YET ♫
>> DOWN BY 5, PARTNER. THINK YOU
CAN GET INSIDE OF ME NOW?
>> HEH HEH HEH.
[SHOES SQUEAK]
HEY, THAT´S A FOUL.
>> OH!
>> NOW, LOOK, REAL MEN
DON´T CHEAT.
>> THEY DO IF THEY WANNA WIN.
FACE IT, PARTNER. YOU CAN´T
DOMINATE ME. NEVER HAVE.
NEVER WILL.
OHH!
COME ON. YOU´RE JUST GONNA SCUFF
THE NEW FLOOR.
>> WHO CARES? IT´S NOT LIKE
WE GOT PATIENTS IN HERE
TO COMPLAIN.
[SHOES SQUEAKING]
>> YES!
>> IT´S BEEN 2 MONTHS WITHOUT
EVEN A BOTOX SHOT, CHRISTIAN.
SO FAR, THE ONLY THING I HAVE
TO SHOW FOR OPENING A NEW
PRACTICE IN LOS ANGELES IS
A BETTER HOOK SHOT.
>> I WOULDN´T GO THAT FAR.
HA HA HA HA. LOOK, WE BOTH KNEW
IT WASN´T GONNA BE EASY, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> BUT IT´S NOT LIKE WE CAN
START UP IN A STRIP MALL,
HAND OUT FLIERS HOPING PEOPLE
WILL COME THROUGH THE DOOR.
>> WORKED THE FIRST TIME
WE STARTED A BUSINESS TOGETHER.
>> AT 25, BABY. AT 40,
YOU GOTTA GO ALL OUT.
OWW!
WE OWNED MIAMI, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> RIGHT? SO SOONER OR LATER,
WE´RE GONNA MAKE THIS TOWN
OUR BITCH, TOO.
SPEAK O´ THE DEVIL.
>> REPO MAN. HE´S IN
YOUR OFFICE.
>> REPO MAN?
>> SORRY, DOC. YOU HAVEN´T PAID
YOUR BILL.
>> BUT I JUST SENT A CHECK
LAST WEEK.
>> AND IT BOUNCED HIGHER THAN
HENDRIX WAS AT WOODSTOCK.
[CHUCKLES]
>> YOU CAN´T KIDNAP OUR FISH.
>> CAN´T WORK FOR FREE EITHER.
IF I STOP COMIN´ TO CLEAN
THE TANKS, THE LITTLE GUYS
GO BELLY UP. OH, I´LL TELL YOU
WHAT. I DON´T WANNA TERRORIZE
THE LITTLE AQUA DUDES HERE,
AND THEY´RE JUST SETTLIN´ IN.
I´LL GIVE YOU A WEEK. COOL?
>> COOL.
>> I KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
I KNEW INVESTING ALL OUR
SETTLEMENT MONEY FROM MICHELLE
INTO A RODEO DRIVE SINKHOLE WAS
GONNA BITE US RIGHT IN THE ASS.
>> PERHAPS YOU COULD
SAVE YOUR ASS BY SELLING OFF
THAT DISGUSTINGLY EXTRAVAGANT
MALIBU BEACH PAD.
>> NO WAY. IMAGE IS EVERYTHING
IN THIS TOWN. BESIDES, IF I SELL
THE MALIBU COMPOUND, WHERE´S MY
PARTNER GONNA STAY, HUH, IN YOUR
HIDEOUS SILVER LAKE ONE BEDROOM?
>> I´M ONLY BUNKING WITH YOU
BECAUSE I´M UP TO MY ASS
IN ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.
>> YOU´RE GONNA NEED
A BIGGER BOAT.
>> WHAT?
>> JAWS, FIRST TIME BRODY SEES
THE SHARK. YOU GUYS ARE IN OVER
YOUR HEADS. YOU´RE CHUM BEING
DEVOURED BY ALL THE RODEO DRIVE
GREAT WHITES.
>> YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH, LIZZIE.
THE PATIENTS WILL COME.
>> FAITH AIN´T GONNA CUT IT
OUT HERE, CHRISTIAN. YOU WANT
THE HOLLYWOOD DREAM, YOU GOTTA
GO OUT AND GET IT, NOT WAIT
TO BE DISCOVERED, SO GET UP OFF
YOUR ASSES AND GO GET SOME.
GET SOME TITS WHILE YOU´RE
AT IT, TOO. NECKS, CHINS,
SAGGING VAGINAS. THIS IS
LOS ANGELES, FOR GOD´S SAKE.
>> I THINK LIZZIE´S RIGHT.
WE NEED TO GO ON A FISHING
EXPEDITION OF OUR OWN.
>> WHAT ARE WE GONNA USE
AS BAIT?
>> [SIGHS] US. HEH HEH.
>> ♫ ALL THE HOMIES,
THEY KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
BABY, LET ME SHOW HOW I LEAN ♫
>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ LAID-BACK,
BOUNCE TO THE CUT,
WHEN WE DO A DANCE,
THEN WE DO IT LIKE WHAT? ♫
>> ♫ LIKE A--LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,
ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE,
ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,
E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ ALL UP IN THE CLUB,
10 DEEP,
LOOKIN´ FOR SOME HEINAS,
WE ON THE CREEP,
I NEED A BAD ONE, A REAL FREAK,
FIND ´EM ON THE DANCE FLOOR,
SO DON´T SLEEP,
DAMN, I LIKE YOU, I LIKE YOU,
BUT I REALLY WANT HER,
SHE´S THAT TYPE, I CAN TELL,
LET ME GET IN TO DEEP,
TAKE HER BACK TO THE HOTEL,
BUT RIGHT NOW I´M ON THE MOVE,
SHOW THIS LITTLE MAMA
HOW A GANGSTER GROOVE,
I DON´T DO A WHOLE LOT,
JUST ENOUGH,
LEAN SIDE TO SIDE,
KEEP MY ELBOWS UP LIKE THIS
AND LIKE THAT,
ALL THE GIRLS KNOW
WHERE THE REAL G´s AT,
YOU CAN FIND US
WAY UP IN THE BACK,
WATCHIN´ THAT A-ASS
BOUNCE LIKE A LOW-LOW,
LEAN LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,
ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ HEY ♫
>> ♫ ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,
E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ I LEAN LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,
ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ HEY ♫
>> ♫ ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,
E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ I LEAN LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,
ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,
E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO... ♫
>> WHAT´S THE PLAN?
>> DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
>> ♫ BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU
HOW I LEAN ♫
>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO ♫
>> ♫ LAID-BACK,
BOUNCE TO THE CUT,
WHEN WE DO A DANCE,
THEN WE DO IT LIKE WHAT? ♫
>> DR. CHRISTIAN TROY,
PLASTIC SURGEON.
>> ACTORS ARE JUDGED BY THEIR
APPEARANCE. MAYBE WE COULD
FRESHEN YOU UP A BIT FOR
YOUR NEXT AUDITION.
>> THAT IS SO SWEET, BUT I GET
ALL MY WORK DONE WITH
DR. ESKANDARIAN.
>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,
ELBOWS UP... ♫
>> DR. THAYER DID
MY CHIN IMPLANT.
>> ♫ ELBOWS UP... ♫
>> MY LIPS.
>> MY VAGINA.
>> MY TITS.
>> HE DOES ALL THE BIG STARS.
HE ACTUALLY SHAVED DOWN THE BUMP
ON MY NOSE A FEW MONTHS AGO.
>> YOU EVER DONE ANYONE FAMOUS?
>> UH, WE ALMOST WORKED ON
JOAN RIVERS.
Sean: SOMETHING WRONG?
>> IT´S JUST THAT MOST GUYS YOUR
AGE WHO COME IN WEARING SUITS
LIKE THAT ARE AGENTS. MINE JUST
DROPPED ME, SO I WAS HOPING
YOU WERE ONE.
>> I´M THE WEST COAST EDITOR
OF US WEEKLY. IF YOU EVER DO
SOMEONE IMPORTANT, GIVE ME
A CALL. IT´S ANONYMOUS.
>> ♫ ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫
>> ♫ FIN-FIN-FIN-FINGAZZ
ON THE TRACK ♫
>> JESUS. HAS ANYONE IN THIS
TOWN NOT HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?
>> I FEEL LIKE I´M TRYIN´ TO
SELL SEMEN AT A WHOREHOUSE.
OOH. UNCUT FLESH 11:00.
[TAPS A BEAT ON THE TABLE]
>> HI. I´M DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.
THIS IS MY PARTNER.
>> DR. SEAN McNAMARA.
WE´RE PLASTIC SURGEONS.
>> I-I´VE ALWAYS RESISTED
GETTING ANYTHING DONE.
>> WELL, MAYBE YOU HAVEN´T
MET THE RIGHT SURGEONS YET.
WE´RE NEW IN TOWN, FROM MIAMI.
>> MIAMI, YEAH.
>> WE´D LOVE YOU TO COME IN
FOR A CONSULT.
>> FREE CONSULT.
>> AND THEN WILL I BE HAPPY?
>> WELL...
>> YOU´RE BOTH CUTE AS CLAMS,
AND I DON´T KNOW HOW THEY
DO BUSINESS IN MIAMI, BUT IN
HOLLYWOOD, TROLLING FOR BUSINESS
AT A NIGHTCLUB ISN´T
A SAVVY MARKETING TECHNIQUE.
IT´S PATHETIC. AND IF YOU
WANNA MAKE IT IN THIS TOWN,
YOU´RE GONNA HAVE TO DO A BETTER
JOB OF SELLING YOURSELVES.
>> WHAT MAKES YOU THE EXPERT,
HUH?
>> SEE THOSE BLONDES OVER THERE?
THE ONE ON THE RIGHT IS A CLIENT
OF MINE. SHE´S GOT AS MANY
GOLD RECORDS AS SHE HAS TRIPS
TO REHAB. THAT´S HER MOTHER
BUYING HER SHOTS. I´M HERE
TO KEEP AN EYE ON HER, MAKE SURE
SHE DOESN´T COMPLETELY DESTROY
THE IMAGE I WORKED MY ASS OFF
CREATING FOR HER. FIONA McNEIL,
PUBLICIST.
>> I THINK OUR CREDENTIALS SPEAK
FOR THEMSELVES. BEEN WRITTEN UP
IN THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL
OF MEDICINE 3 TIMES,
PLASTIC RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY
JOURNAL TWICE.
>> AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU
BEEN WRITTEN UP IN PEOPLE
MAGAZINE, HOTSHOT? YOU CAN´T
SPIT IN THIS TOWN WITHOUT
HITTING A PLASTIC SURGEON FROM
HARVARD. IT´S NOT WHAT
YOU´VE DONE. IT´S WHOM.
CELEBRITY IS POWER.
>> WELL, WE´RE SCREWED. WE CAN´T
GET A CELEBRITY UNTIL WE´VE
OPERATED ON A CELEBRITY.
>> OR BECOME CELEBRITIES
YOURSELF.
>> YOU MEAN ADVERTISE?
>> ANYONE CAN ADVERTISE, BUT NOT
EVERYONE CAN GET EXPOSURE.
>> WHAT´S THE DIFFERENCE?
>> DIFFERENCE IS YOU DON´T LOOK
LIKE THE ONE PLACING THE AD.
THAT´S PUBLICITY. THAT´S WHAT
I DO BETTER THAN ANYONE IN THIS
TOWN FOR 5,000 A MONTH.
>> WE DON´T HAVE IT.
>> TOO BAD, PUPPY, ´CAUSE I HAVE
A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY THAT WOULD
FIT YOU GUYS LIKE A SURGEON´S
GLOVE. TCCH.
>> WE´VE GOT IT. WHAT IS IT?
>> HEARTS ´N SCALPELS. HEH HEH.
YOU GUYS DON´T WATCH TELEVISION?
HEARTS ´N SCALPELS IS
A FANTASTIC NEW SERIES ABOUT
PLASTIC SURGERY. THE SHOW RUNNER
HAPPENS TO BE A CLIENT OF MINE,
AND HE´S LOOKING FOR A MEDICAL
ADVISER TO HELP HIM WITH
THE TECHNICAL STUFF.
>> ARE YOU SAYING THAT BEING
ON A TV SHOW WOULD GIVE US
CREDIBILITY?
>> BINGO. I THINK HE´S GOT IT.
>> BET YOU NEVER SEEN A VIEW
LIKE THIS, HAVE YOU, BABY?
>> IT´S SO BEAUTIFUL. I THINK
I CAN SEE ALL THE WAY TO CANADA.
>> WHEW. THAT´S NOT THE VIEW
I´M TALKIN´ ABOUT.
>> OH, DR. CLIFT. I DON´T
KNOW ABOUT THIS. I´M JUST
A FIRST-YEAR PLASTIC SURGERY
RESIDENT.
>> OH, AND I´M JUST SHOWIN´ YOU
HOW I OPERATE.
>> OH.
>> THINK OF ME AS YOUR
FIRST LESSON.
>> THEY SHOULD JUST BE HONEST
AND RENAME THIS SHOW SHIT.
>> SHIT.
[WOMAN SIGHING]
>> YOU´RE SO HOT.
Sean: HEH.
>> WHO IS THIS AIDAN STONE
DOUCHE?
>> HE´S HILARIOUS.
>> HE´S RIDICULOUS. HE THINKS
HE´S JAMES BOND OR SOMETHING.
HE´S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD-LOOKING.
I´M HOTTER THAN HE IS.
Woman: OH, YEAH.
>> WE´RE SAILIN´ ON THE WATER,
BABY.
>> OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.
>> YOU´RE SAILIN´
WITH THE DOCTOR.
>> THIS IS REALLY BAD.
>> HEH HEH HEH.
IT´S PRETTY GOOD.
>> REAL BAD. I DON´T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU´RE LOOKIN´--
>> IT´S ENTERTAINING.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
>> YEAH? CAR ACCIDENT?
I´LL BE THERE IN 10.
10 ORGASMS.
>> [CHUCKLES] IT IS PRETTY FUN.
[DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
YOU THINK THEY KNOW IT´S FUNNY?
SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A DRAMA,
RIGHT?
>> ...REMOVED HER CHEEK IMPLANTS
FROM HER ESOPHAGUS. SHE´S STILL
GONNA NEED A COMPLETE FACIAL
RECONSTRUCTION HERE. WHERE´S THE
DOCTOR? WHERE IS THE DOCTOR?
>> SOMEONE CALL FOR
A PLASTIC SURGEON?
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
THEY DON´T WEAR MASKS OR HATS?
>> YOU´RE GONNA BE FINE.
10 BLADE.
[MONITOR FLAT-LINES]
>> SHE´S CRASHING! OH, GOD!
GET THE CRASH CART! STAT!
>> GIVE ME THE PADDLES.
GIVE ME PADDLES. STAT.
PADDLES!
>> LET´S GO. PADDLES.
>> ALL RIGHT, PUT IT UP TO 380.
>> 380. 380.
>> CLEAR. HUNH!
Sean: LOOK AT THOSE TITS.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, 360.
>> 360. 360!
>> NO, NO, NO. 460. 460.
>> FOUR. 460!
>> CLEAR! CLEAR!
>> CLEAR!
>> HUNH. NOTHING! 580, NOW!
>> MAN, COME ON.
>> HA HA HA! LOOK. LOOK AT THAT.
>> GET RID OF THESE. GET RID OF
THESE. [HARD BREATHING] I WANT
ONE MILLIGRAM OF EPI RIGHT NOW.
>> EPI. GRAM.
>> DOCTOR. STAT.
>> ALL RIGHT. STAT.
>> I SAID YOU, DOCTOR.
>> I-I´M DOING IT.
>> NOT ON MY WATCH.
>> OK.
>> I´M NOT LOSING ANOTHER ONE.
I AM NOT LOSING ANOTHER ONE.
>> I SURE HOPE SHE CAN SING
IN HER DAUGHTER´S WEDDING
ON SATURDAY.
>> DOCTOR, I WANT YOU TO
GO OUTSIDE TO THE WAITING ROOM.
I WANT YOU TO TELL HER DAUGHTER
THAT I AM NOT GONNA RUIN HER
WEDDING. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
>> I UNDERSTAND.
>> NOW! AND I WANNA SEE A LITTLE
BETTER BEDSIDE MANNER NEXT TIME!
WE´RE SAVIN´ A LIFE TODAY, GUYS.
WE´RE ALL HERE FOR IT. WE ARE
SAVING A LIFE TODAY, PEOPLE.
Christian: HER FACE COMPLETELY
HEALED IN 3 DAYS. I MEAN,
THE WHOLE THING WAS
WILDLY UNREALISTIC.
>> BEING LINKED TO THAT SHOW
COULD DESTROY OUR PROFESSIONAL
REPUTATIONS. WE´LL GET
REFERRALS. WE´LL FIND PATIENTS.
WE´RE NOT THAT DESPERATE,
ARE WE?
>> MAYBE NOT, BOYS. OUR FIRST
CONSULT´S IN SEAN´S OFFICE.
>> TELL US WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF, MR. GORCHEK.
>> OH, THAT´S OK. YOU CAN USE
MY REAL NAME. I JUST--I SAID
THAT SO YOUR SECRETARY WOULDN´T
POST ME ON DEFAMER.
THAT JUST PROVES MY INSTINCTS
WERE--PTT--DEAD ON. THAT´S WHY
I CAME TO YOU GUYS AND NOT ONE
OF THE BIG SURGEONS. BOB EASTON
RING A BELL? CHAIRMAN,
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF
THE BIGGEST STUDIO IN TOWN.
QUARTERLY PROFITS NEVER BEEN
HIGHER. MY MOVIES ARE SMART
AND ENTERTAINING.
>> WELL, WE´RE DELIGHTED
YOU CHOSE US, MR. EASTON.
WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?
>> I´M GONNA BE SPENDING THE
HOLIDAYS AT THE FOUR SEASONS
IN KONA. THE ENTIRE TOWN´S GONNA
BE THERE. NEED YOU GUYS TO MAKE
THESE INVISIBLE BY THE TIME
I´M POOLSIDE. IT´S WHERE I DO
THE BULK OF MY BUSINESS
FOR THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR.
>> DID YOU HAVE A RUN-IN
WITH A DOG?
>> WHEN MY MISTRESS PUTS
MY COLLAR AND LEASH ON,
I´M THE DOG.
>> YOUR DOMINATRIX
INFLICTED THESE?
>> YEAH, AND SHE´S NOT CHEAP
EITHER. STILL, NO SCOTCH,
NO YOGA CLASS, NO HOT ROCK
THERAPY EVER HELPED ME
LIKE MISTRESS DARK PAIN DOES.
>> SOUNDS LIKE LIVING THE DREAM
HAS ITS PRICE.
>> OF COURSE IT DOES.
EAT YOUR YOUNG ON A REGULAR
BASIS, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? ALL
DAY LONG, I´M THE ONE WITH THE
CONTROL, THE POWER. WHEN SWEET
MISTRESS DARK PAIN TAKES IT ALL
AWAY FROM ME, SOMETIMES TWICE
DURING OSCAR SEASON, EVERY BITE
SOMEHOW RESTORES THE BALANCE,
KEEPS ME REAL, YOU KNOW?
>> YEAH.
>> ANYWAY, HOW SOON CAN WE
GET IT TAKEN CARE OF?
>> WE´RE, UH, PRETTY BOOKED UP
THIS WEEK. HOW ´BOUT
NEXT TUESDAY?
>> PLEASE, THIS PLACE IS DEADER
THAN MY NANA. TODAY.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
>> ♫ LOVE HURTS,
LOVE SCARS,
LOVE WOUNDS... ♫
>> THOUGHT WE LEFT MIAMI
SO WE DIDN´T HAVE TO DEAL
WITH FREAKS LIKE THIS GUY.
>> ONE CLIENT AT A TIME, CHRI--
>> BULLSHIT, SEAN. I´M A
JACKRABBIT. I DON´T DO SLOW AND
STEADY. I PAID MY DUES, AND I
WANT SOME OVERNIGHT SUCCESS.
>> ♫ OOH, LOVE HURTS ♫
>> OUT OF THE WAY, WIGGY. YOU´LL
LOSE A LOT MORE THAN YOUR HEAD.
JESUS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
STRESSFUL IT CAN BE RUNNING
A TELEVISION SHOW. EVERYBODY
WANTS YOU. EVERYBODY´S RELYING
ON YOU, YOU KNOW, THE STUDIO,
THE NETWORK. ROSE BOWL PARADE,
THEY WANT ME ON A FLOAT.
GOD, THE STEERING ON THIS THING
IS SO TIGHT. IT´S GERMANIC
OR SOMETHING. IT´S BRAND-NEW.
ANYWAY, FIONA RECOMMENDS
YOU GUYS VERY, VERY HIGHLY.
>> SHE´S BEEN VERY HELPFUL TO US
SINCE OUR MOVE OUT HERE
FROM MIAMI.
>> I THINK SHE HEARD ABOUT
OUR MORE PRESTIGIOUS CASES AND
THOUGHT THAT US WORKING TOGETHER
MIGHT BE MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.
>> WATCH IT, SPARTACUS!
IT´S NOT A SOCCER FIELD. LOOK,
THERE´S ACHILLES, TOO. GET IT?
HA HA. SO, LISTEN. I HAVE
A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION
I NEED TO ASK YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> SCALE OF 1 TO 10, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF MY SHOW?
Sean: 5.
Christian: 10.
>> SORRY. IT´S JUST FROM
A MEDICAL STANDPOINT, THE
PROCEDURES LOOK REALLY PHONY.
>> WHO´S THE LEAD GUY? I MEAN,
HE´S TOTALLY UNREALISTIC.
>> WOMEN 18 TO 49, THEY LOVE
AIDAN STONE. AND HE HAS A HUGE
FOLLOWING AMONGST THE GAYS.
BUT I DON´T KNOW, YOU KNOW.
SOUNDS LIKE MAYBE THIS ISN´T
THE RIGHT SHOW FOR YOU GUYS.
[BACKING UP BEEPS]
>> NOT ONLY COULD WE MAKE YOUR
MEDICAL STUFF MORE REALISTIC. WE
COULD GIVE YOU EXAMPLES OF CASES
WE´VE WORKED ON FOR 15 YEARS.
>> IT´D GIVE YOU CREDIBILITY.
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT,
FREDDIE? A MUSICAL EPISODE?
HOW GAY IS THAT? COME ON.
THIS IS THE KIND OF DESPERATE
SCHLOCK YOU DON´T DO
UNTIL YOUR FIFTH SEASON.
>> I THOUGHT--I THOUGHT--
>> WHAT? WHAT´D YOU THINK? NO.
NO, NO, YOU DIDN´T. NO, YOU
DIDN´T THINK, ´CAUSE YOU´RE TOO
BUSY PARADING AROUND IN THAT
GOD-UGLY JUMPSUIT LIKE SOME
FAGGY FAT-ASS CHORUS GIRL.
WHY DON´T YOU JUST FIRE THOSE
HACKITY-HACK WRITERS BEFORE
I QUIT AND YOU´RE FORCED TO
START RUNNING CRAFT SERVICE.
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOUR BODY. WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE PROGRAM I SET UP
FOR YOU? IT IS SO DEPRESSING.
>> UH, SO WHERE WERE WE?
>> YOU GONNA LET THAT SON OF
A BITCH TALK TO YOU THAT WAY?
>> WHO? OH, AIDAN? PFFT. HE´S
A SWEETIE. YOU KNOW, HE´S, UM...
SENSITIVE, AND HE´S DAMAGED,
AND, UM, YOU KNOW, HE´S A--
HE´S FRUSTRATED.
>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> JUST GOT LOW BLOOD SUGAR,
AND I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING
RIGHT NOW.
[BACKING UP BEEPING]
>> OK, WHEAT, SUGAR, POO, POO,
CRAP. PACO, WHY IS EVERYTHING
STILL FRIED?! STILL? [SIGHS]
I´M GETTING TITS LIKE A GIRL.
TRUTH IS AIDAN´S RIGHT. I´M IN
OVER MY HEAD, WAY OVER MY HEAD.
START PRODUCTION ON EPISODE 6
ON TUESDAY, AND I HAVE NO CASE,
AND I CAN´T KEEP RIPPING OFF
EPISODES OF CHICAGO HOPE.
THEY´LL START SUING ME. I NEED
SOMETHING SEXY. I NEED A RATINGS
GRABBER. JESUS CHRIST.
CHICKEN FINGERS. GODDAMN IT.
>> WELL, WE HAD A CASE A COUPLE
OF YEARS AGO. REMEMBER, SEAN?
THIS, UH, WOMAN CAME INTO OUR
OFFICE. SHE´D BURNED HER LIPS
OFF IN A COOKING ACCIDENT.
>> RIGHT. WE HAD TO DO A GRAFT
USING SKIN FROM HER VAGINA.
THE ONLY TROUBLE WAS HER HUSBAND
DIDN´T LIKE ORAL SEX,
SO SHE COULDN´T LET HIM KNOW
WHERE THE SKIN CAME FROM.
>> WE CALLED HER PUSSY LIPS.
I´D WATCH A SHOW WITH PUSSY LIPS
ON IT.
>> HOW SOON CAN YOU START?
[THE BEST IS YET TO COME
STARTS PLAYING]
>> WE´RE NOT INTERESTED IN JUST
BEING CONSULTANTS, MR. PRUNE.
>> WE´RE NOT?
>> WE WANT PRODUCER CREDITS
AND THE OCCASIONAL LINE.
>> ♫ THE BEST IS YET
TO COME... ♫
>> PUSSY LIPS. GOD, I LOVE IT.
LET´S GET TO WORK.
>> ♫ AND, BABY,
YOU´RE GONNA FLY ♫
>> LET ME START OFF BY SAYING
I´M A HUGE FAN. OF ALL
THE ROMANTIC COMEDIES I´VE BEEN
DRAGGED TO BY MY GIRLFRIENDS
OVER THE YEARS, YOURS ARE
THE ONES I HATED THE LEAST.
SO, TELL ME WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF, MS. SUMMERS.
>> HEH. UM, THAT I WAS STUPID
ENOUGH TO LET FIONA DRAG ME
HERE. LOOK, DOCTOR, I AM SURE
YOU ARE A GENIUS AT WHAT YOU DO,
BUT PLASTIC SURGERY IS
AN ACTOR´S WORST NIGHTMARE.
YOU STRETCH ACTORS´ FACES
SO THEY DON´T HAVE TO
STRETCH THEMSELVES.
>> SAYS THE WOMAN WHO HASN´T
LANDED A PART DEEPER THAN A
SHOT GLASS IN 3 YEARS. FACE IT,
CARLY. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE
A 40-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IN ROMANTIC
COMEDIES. IF SHE LOOKS 35,
MAYBE.
>> SHOW BUSINESS IS ROUGH
ON YOU.
>> IT´S HARD TO FIND SOMEONE
IN THIS TOWN WHO´LL BE HONEST
WITH YOU.
>> WHICH IS WHY WE CAME TO YOU,
DR. TROY. YOU´RE A FELLOW
CLIENT. WE CAN TRUST YOU.
TELL US HOW YOU CAN REFRESH
CARLY´S FACE SO WE CAN REFRESH
HER CAREER.
[TAPS DESK]
>> WELL, LET´S START OUT ON
THE RIGHT FOOT, SHALL WE? AHEM.
TELL ME, DO YOU WANT
COSMETIC SURGERY?
>> LOOK, I´M UP FOR THIS REALLY
GREAT PART--SINGLE MOTHER,
COAL MINER, WITH AN AUTISTIC
CHILD--AND EVEN IF I DON´T
GET IT, A PART OF ME WANTS
TO TAKE A STAND. I WANT TO SHOW
EVERYONE THAT A WOMAN MY AGE
CAN BE DESIRABLE WITHOUT
THE HELP OF SCIENCE.
>> SWEETHEART, YOU HAVE A LOVELY
LITTLE TALENT, AND YOU MAKE
THE MOST OF IT, BUT YOU´VE
GOT 5 YEARS LEFT, AND THAT´S
ONLY IF YOU LET DR. TROY WORK
HIS MEDICAL MAGIC.
>> WELL, MAYBE I CAN START OUT
WITH THAT RESTYLANE OR BOTOX,
YOU KNOW, EASE ME INTO IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DR. TROY?
>> HONESTLY...
>> YES.
>> I DON´T THINK YOU NEED
ANYTHING DONE. MAYBE A NICE
DINNER BY THE BEACH, A GREAT
BOTTLE OF BURGUNDY, AND SOME
DECENT CONVERSATION.
AW, LOOK AT YOU, BEAUTIFUL BOY.
[KISSES]
>> WHERE ARE YOU GOIN´?
>> I´M TAKING CARLY TO THE IVY.
>> DID YOU CALL A SITTER?
>> NO, BUT YOU´RE NOT DOING
ANYTHING. COME ON.
IT´S BUSINESS.
>> I THOUGHT YOU TURNED DOWN
HER SURGERY.
>> I DID TURN DOWN HER SURGERY.
NOW I NEED TO TURN HER ON. WE´RE
NOT GONNA GET ANYWHERE IN THIS
TOWN BY GIVING CARLY SUMMERS
A LITTLE BOTOX. SHE NEEDS
A FACE-LIFT, A TIT JOB, AND
WHATEVER ELSE I CAN SEDUCE HER
INTO GETTING. GOOD PLAN, HUH?
>> HOW ´BOUT I TAKE
THE HOLLYWOOD STAR OUT TO DINNER
AND YOU STAY HOME WITH YOUR SON?
I´LL DO THE CONVINCING.
>> BECAUSE I´M THE CHARISMATIC
SALESMAN, AND YOU´RE THE TALENT.
THAT´S THE WAY IT´S ALWAYS BEEN.
>> EXACTLY WHY I LEFT MIAMI.
>> AHH.
>> WHAT ARE YOU, A CAMEL?
>> PINEAPPLE JUICE, BABY.
MAKES A MAN´S SHOOTY-SHOOT
TASTE INFINITELY SWEETER. IT´S
NATURE´S GUARANTEE OF A SECOND
DATE. NOW, IF YOU WERE ANY KIND
OF SALESMAN, YOU WOULD HAVE
KNOWN THAT. COME ON, THE NEXT
AMERICA´S SWEETHEART WHO COMES
INTO OUR OFFICE IS ALL YOURS.
>> WHY DIDN´T YOU HIRE A LIVE-IN
NANNY LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD?
>> I CAN´T AFFORD IT NOW THAT
WE´RE PAYING FIONA 5 GRAND
A MONTH. GOOD NIGHT. I LOVE YOU.
>> CHRISTIAN.
[WAVES CRASHING]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO. LIZ, SLOW DOWN.
I CAN´T UNDERSTAND YOU.
>> [SCREAMING]
>> YOU THINK YOU´RE A GREAT BIG
BARRACUDA, DON´T YOU? WELL,
I CAN JERK YOU LIKE YOU´RE
A GUPPY. GET OUT OF HERE!
>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
STOP IT. I WANT YOU TO PACK UP
AND GET OUT.
>> OR WHAT?
>> OR I´M CALLING THE POLICE.
>> COURSE I STERILIZE.
I´M A PROFESSIONAL.
>> WHAT´S GOING ON WITH YOU?
THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL.
>> [MUFFLED RESPONSE]
>> YOU NEED THERAPY.
>> I HAD TO CALL HER, OK? AHH.
I HAD TO FIRE 5 PEOPLE TODAY
BY E-MAIL.
>> THIS IS A MEDICAL FACILITY,
MR. EASTON, NOT A BEDROOM...
>> AHH.
>> OR A DUNGEON.
>> ONE OF THEM WAS MY OLDEST
FRIEND OUT HERE. YOU KNOW
I´M GODFATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER?
THERE´S THIS WHOLE CORPORATE
MERGER IN THE WIND.
EVERYTHING´S SHIFTING.
>> YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE HERE.
YOU TALK WHEN I SAY YOU CAN
TALK. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
DOCTOR. IT´S NOT EASY BEING
ROBERT EASTON. HE ISN´T STUPID.
HE KNOWS THAT UNDERNEATH HIS
"LOOK HOW BIG MY DICK IS" ACT
THAT HE´S JUST A SCARED LITTLE
BOY WHO FEEDS OFF EVERYONE
ELSE´S TALENT AND DREAMS.
HE´S NOTHING. I HAVE A GIFT.
I HELP KEEP MEN LIKE BOB FROM
IMPLODING WITH TOO MUCH POWER.
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
MISTRESS WHOMEVER. YOU AND
YOUR GIFT ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.
THIS IS A PLACE OF HEALING.
>> YOU´D BE FUN TO WORK WITH.
SEE YOU LATER, BOBBY.
>> [SIGHS]
SO NEXT TIME, MAYBE WE SHOULD
MEET AT THE RESTAURANT FIRST.
>> REALLY? HOW COME? YOU DIDN´T
LIKE OUR FIRST DATE?
>> I DID. TRUST ME.
>> TRUST YOU? AREN´T YOU
AN ACTRESS? HUH? HOW COULD
I TRUST AN ACTRESS?
>> YEAH.
>> I NEED TO SEE FOR MYSELF.
>> NO, YOU DON´T.
>> OH, COME ON.
>> NO.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHS]
>> WHY ARE YOU BEING SO SHY
ALL OF A SUDDEN?
>> LOOK, I TOOK OVER AN HOUR
GETTING READY FOR YOU, AND, YOU
KNOW, YOU BARELY SAW IT, AND NOW
MY HAIR IS A WRECK, AND MY
MAKEUP IS ALL SMEARED, AND--
>> MAKEUP? AFTER THE FIRST TIME
WE MET, I, UH--I GOT THE
IMPRESSION THAT YOU WERE VERY
CONFIDENT WITH YOUR APPEARANCE.
>> I AM. I JUST...
I´VE JUST NEVER SLEPT WITH
A PLASTIC SURGEON BEFORE.
OH, GOD. IMAGINE IT´S WORSE
THAN A CASTING DIRECTOR.
>> PLEASE. YOU THINK I´M JUDGING
THE WAY THAT YOU LOOK NOW?
YOU´RE BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT?
>> GOD, YOU AND THE LIGHT.
[SIGHS]
>> WOW.
>> WHAT?
>> I´VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.
>> OH. YEAH.
>> IT´S AN ORIGINAL
ANDREW MACPHERSON.
>> YOU KNOW HIS WORK?
>> I HAVE HIS BOOK.
>> WOW. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS
TAKEN ALMOST--
>> 18 YEARS AGO, GIVE OR TAKE
6 MONTHS.
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
>> THEY DIDN´T AIRBRUSH
BACK THEN LIKE THEY DO TODAY.
>> I DON´T THINK I LOOK
THAT DIFFERENT. DO YOU?
>> NOT AT ALL.
>> WELL, SAY I WAS GONNA DO THAT
EXACT SAME PICTURE TODAY. LIKE,
WOULD YOU HAVE TO FIX ANYTHING
TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THAT AGAIN?
>> DO YOU HAVE A LIPSTICK?
>> YEAH.
>> STARTING AT THE BOTTOM.
THE MUSCLES IN YOUR CALVES
AND THIGHS, THEY SOFTEN AFTER
A WOMAN TURNS 40, SO I´D GIVE
YOU CALF IMPLANTS AND, UH,
LIPOSUCTION THROUGH HERE AND
THROUGH HERE. OF COURSE SOME
LIPOSUCTION RIGHT HERE. NOW YOUR
BOOBS ARE STILL REALLY PERKY, SO
I´D JUST MAYBE TAKE ´EM TO A--
A HIGH "B" AND LIFT THEM JUST
A LITTLE BIT. NOW HERE THE HARD
PART. A FEATHER-LIFT WOULD TAKE
6 YEARS OFF THE WAY YOU LOOK
NOW. THROUGH HERE, HERE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS IF YOU
GET THAT COAL MINER ROLE,
NOBODY´LL NOTICE YOUR ASS
IN OVERALLS, RIGHT?
[BELL RINGS]
>> LET´S FOCUS, PEOPLE. I NEED A
BRUSCHETTA, STAT, EXTRA CHEESE.
>> OK, WHAT THE HECK?
WHERE ARE YOUR PUSSY LIPS?
I THOUGHT WE WERE SHOOTING.
WHERE ARE HER PUSSY LIPS?
>> NO, YOU SAID WE WERE
JUST REHEARSING.
>> OH, GOD, OF COURSE.
I´M SORRY. I´M AN ASSHOLE.
WHAT´S THIS? WHY´S--WHAT IS
THIS BUCK ROGERS BULLSHIT, OK?
I KNOW IT´S REAL AND EVERYTHING,
BUT CAN WE SPRAY IT?
>> FREDDIE?
>> YES, DEAR.
>> I JUST NEED TO KNOW, SHOULD I
SCREAM AND BREAK DOWN AND BE
TERRIFIED THAT I´M GONNA DIE?
LIKE THIS. WATCH.
[SOBBING] I´M SO TERRIFIED
I´M GONNA DIE.
DON´T LOOK AT ME LIKE YOU JUST
STEPPED IN DOG SHIT, FREDDIE.
I´M JUST TRYING TO GIVE
THIS THING SOME COLOR.
>> OH, HONEY, I´M PROCESSING.
>> ALL RIGHT. I MEAN, DON´T YOU
THINK WE SHOULD JUST SEE HER,
YOU KNOW, RESIST AND RESIST, AND
THEN SHE SHOULD SLOWLY REVEAL
THAT WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED.
>> ALL RIGHT, LET´S DO IT. LET´S
GET IT DONE. OHH! I FEEL GOOD.
>> GREAT. GREAT.
>> CLAUDE, SIDES STAT, PLEASE.
>> OVER HERE. NOW, YOU TAKE
A 15 BLADE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> WE´LL JUST PANTOMIME THIS
FOR NOW.
Aidan: OK.
>> BUT YOU HOLD IT LIKE THIS,
AND YOU START BY EXCISING
THE BURNT SKIN--
>> FREDDIE, WE HAVE TO DO THIS
REAL-LIFE SHIT?
>> UM...
>> I DON´T WANNA DO ALL THIS
REAL-LIFE SHIT. I MEAN,
THEY´RE NOT TUNING IN TO SEE
MY HANDS. IT´S MORE--NEW IDEA.
NEW IDEA. NEW IDEA. NEW IDEA.
>> MWAH.
>> I ACTUALLY THINK IT´S
A MISTAKE TO UNDERESTIMATE
THE INTELLIGENCE OF YOUR
AUDIENCE. I THINK ADDING
A LITTLE AUTHENTICITY COULD
MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT? I COMPLETELY
AGREE WITH YOU. I MEAN, THAT´S
WHY I DON´T THINK SHE SHOULD
GIVE IN SO EASILY, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, I--I THINK I SHOULD BE
FLAILING AROUND, LIKE...
[SOBBING]
AND THEN YOU SHOULD TIE ME DOWN.
Aidan: WITH WHAT?
>> WITH SOME ROPES.
>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT´S SO MAGIC
FOR ME?
>> WHAT?
>> IS WHEN I GET TO WATCH YOU
LISTEN.
>> I CAN DO THAT.
[BELL RINGS]
>> YOU KNOW, YOU´LL NEED A CAP
ON WHEN WE´RE DOING THE SURGERY
SCENES. YOU COULD LOOK
RIDICULOUS WHEN YOU DON´T WEAR
A CAP.
>> CLAUDE, CAPS, STAT.
>> NO, NO. 86 THAT. DO YOU SEE
THIS? SEE THIS HAIR? YEAH? THIS
IS WHY PEOPLE TUNE IN. OK, IF I
WAS BALDING IN THE TEMPLES LIKE
YOU, IT´D BE A DIFFERENT STORY.
>> EXCUSE ME?
>> WHY DON´T WE JUST REHEARSE
THE BASIC MOVES SO IT LOOKS
MORE REAL, OK? JUST--
JUST IF YOU COULD SEE THE--
YOU MAKE THE CUT HERE.
>> HEY, DOC, YOU´RE A TECHNICAL
ADVISOR, OK? YOU ARE NOT
THE DIRECTOR. FREDDIE, WHY IS IT
THAT WE´RE IN THE PLASTIC
SURGERY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD,
AND WE´RE FORCED TO WORK
WITH THESE MIAMI WANNABES?
CAN YOU TELL ME THAT?
>> YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE HERE.
I HAVE SEEN KIDS PLAYING DOCTOR
WHO HAVE BETTER SURGICAL
TECHNIQUE THAN YOU DO.
I´M GIVING YOU AN OPPORTUNITY
TO BE MORE AUTHENTIC.
I WOULD TAKE IT IF I WERE YOU.
HOLDING IT JUST LIKE THAT.
>> OK.
>> IT´S JUST SOME SKIN THAT´S
RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF THE LIP.
>> SO I JUST COME IN GENTLY.
>> EASY, EASY.
Actress: BUT DON´T REALLY DO IT.
>> SHH. DON´T--DON´T.
JUST BREATHE. JUST LIKE
A LITTLE CRESCENT MOON?
>> GAME OVER, PALLY PAL.
WE FINALLY HAVE A REAL-LIFE
PATIENT. AH, AT LEAST YOU DO,
ANYWAY.
>> THEY SPECIFICALLY
REQUESTED ME?
>> WELL, APPARENTLY YOU´RE
THE ONLY ONE HE TRUSTS TO KEEP
HIS PEEKABOO SCALP A SECRET.
>> HEH.
>> I CAN´T BELIEVE YOU´LL LET ME
GO IN FRONT OF MILLIONS
OF VIEWERS SHOWING OFF
MY SHINY HEAD.
>> THE ONLY TIME I SEE THE TOP
OF YOUR HEAD IS WHEN
IT´S COVERED.
>> WELL, IF THAT ASSHOLE´S
NOT WEARING A CAP,
THAN NEITHER AM I.
>> ASSHOLE´S A VAIN NARCISSIST
WITHOUT A SHRED OF INTEGRITY.
>> I KNOW. HE´S A TV STAR.
WHAT´S ON TOP OF HIS HEAD
IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN
WHAT´S IN IT. I GET IT.
IT´S HOLLYWOOD, BABY.
PLUG ME.
>> I´M SORRY YOU DIDN´T GET
THE PART.
>> CAMERON DIAZ IS 35.
SHE THINKS BEING AUTISTIC
MEANS YOU CAN PAINT.
>> [CHUCKLES]
>> BUT I GUESS SHE´S EASIER
TO LIGHT IN A COAL MINE.
>> WHICH IS WHY WE´RE HERE.
>> WHAT´S THIS?
>> A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.
NO ONE CAN FIND ABOUT
CARLY´S SURGERY.
>> [SIGHS]
>> IT´S STRAIGHT.
YOU CAN SIGN IT.
>> SO WHAT DO WE DO FIRST?
>> UH, FEATHER-LIFT, WHICH ONLY
TAKES A FEW HOURS, SO WE CAN DO
YOUR BREAST AUGMENTATION AT
THE SAME TIME. ARE YOU SURE THIS
IS SOMETHING YOU´D WANNA DO?
I´D HATE TO SEE YOU BOWING
TO THE SUPERFICIAL PRESSURES
OF YOUR INDUSTRY.
[GROANS]
>> IS IT GOING TO HURT?
>> NO MORE THAN HAVING
YOUR TEETH CLEANED.
>> HOW EXACTLY DOES
THE LIFT WORK?
>> WE BEGIN BY MAKING
A TINY INCISION IN YOUR SCALP.
>> THEN WE SLIDE IN SILICONE
CHEEK ENHANCERS...
AND THEN INSERT TINY THREADS
INTO THE CHEEKS AND PULL
THE FACIAL MUSCLE TIGHT.
[PANTING IN PAIN]
>> FOR THE RECORD, I CONTINUE
TO FIND YOUR VANITY RIDICULOUS.
>> [SIGHS]
>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
IF THIS READS ON CAMERA?
>> COME ON. YOU´RE THE ONE
WHO IN THE MIAMI DAYS TOLD
OUR CLIENTS THAT MICROPLUGS
ARE SO REALISTIC YOU CAN
GO BACK TO WORK THE NEXT DAY.
WHAT, I GOT--I GOT 3 DAYS
BEFORE WE SHOOT? SHOULD BE FINE.
I NEED THIS.
Matt: DEAR DAD, ENCLOSED, FIND
A PICTURE OF THE NEW BAMBINO.
HER NAME IS JENNA. KIMBER NAMED
HER AFTER SOME SITCOM ACTRESS IN
THE CHURCH I´VE NEVER HEARD OF.
I KNOW YOU WANTED TO BE THERE
TO DELIVER MY FIRSTBORN, DAD.
I WANTED THAT, TOO, BUT JENNA
CAME SO QUICKLY, THERE WOULDN´T
HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TIME FOR YOU
TO GET HERE ANYWAY. I´M SORRY
I HAVEN´T RETURNED YOUR CALLS.
YOU KNOW HOW BUSY FATHERHOOD IS.
AND KIMBER´S GOOD. SHE LOVES
BEIN´ A MOM. I MISS YOU, DAD.
SHOW CHRISTIAN THE PICTURE AND
TELL HIM I MISS HIM, TOO.
I LOVE YOU GUYS. MATT.
>> JESUS CHRIST!
>> WHAT IS IT? WHAT´S WRONG?
>> LOOK AT THIS.
>> WHAT? LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.
>> WHAT IS IT?
>> AH. FOLLICULITIS. INFECTION
OCCURS IN A SMALL PERCENTAGE
OF HAIR TRANSPLANTS--
>> WEREN´T THE INSTRUMENTS
PROPERLY, UH--
>> THIS WAS PROBABLY CAUSED BY
ALL THAT SWEATING YOU DID IN
THE TANNING SALON YESTERDAY.
>> 2--2 DAYS, MAN.
>> I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM
THAT UNTIL YOU´RE FULLY HEALED.
>> WE NEED TO LOOK OUR BEST,
RIGHT? IT´S OUR BIG BREAK.
>> WHY DON´T YOU JUST
STAY STILL? COME HERE.
>> ANTISEPTIC CREAM OR
SOMETHING? BUT I´M GONNA BE
ALL RIGHT, RIGHT?
>> IT´S GONNA BE FINE.
>> RIGHT?
>> IT´S FINE.
THIS WAS A MISTAKE.
>> IT´S JUST A MINOR INFECTION.
>> NO, NOT YOUR PLUGS. LOOK AT
US, MUTILATING OUR BODIES,
SELLING OUT TO SOME HACK
TV SHOW. WE´RE GOOD SURGEONS.
WHY LIVE IN A PLACE THAT DOESN´T
APPRECIATE US, YOU KNOW?
MAYBE WE SHOULD´VE MOVED
SOMEWHERE WHERE SUBSTANCE REIGNS
OVER STYLE, LIKE NEW YORK. EH?
>> JULIA´S GONE. LIVING A COUPLE
OF SUBWAY STOPS AWAY AIN´T GONNA
CHANGE THAT.
>> I MISS MY KIDS. I MISS ANNIE
LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I TRY TO PUT
HER HAIR IN A PONYTAIL, CONOR´S
FIRST SMILE IN THE MORNING.
I MISS SEEING MATT WITH HIS
CHILD, OUR GRANDCHILD. YOU CAN´T
GET THOSE MOMENTS BACK.
>> LOOK, YOU MADE A BOLD MOVE
COMIN´ OUT HERE, PARTNER, MAYBE
THE FIRST ONE OF YOUR LIFE. HUH?
COME ON. I MEAN, HOW MANY GUYS
OUR AGE FINALLY GET THE
OPPORTUNITY TO GET THE
RECOGNITION THEY DESERVE? HUH?
THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.
>> FAME ISN´T LOVE, CHRISTIAN.
GETTING IT ISN´T GONNA FILL UP
SOME HOLE YOU´VE HAD INSIDE YOU
SINCE YOU WERE A KID.
>> SHE´S BEAUTIFUL.
SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.
>> [CHUCKLES]
>> I WANNA BE HERE, MAN. I MEAN,
LOOK AT THIS PLACE. I CAN´T DO
IT WITHOUT YOU. SO, YOU´RE GONNA
HAVE TO JUMP ONBOARD,
´CAUSE I AIN´T LEAVIN´.
COME ON. LET´S RUN SOME LINES.
[BELL RINGS]
>> NOT TOO MUCH.
>> FREDDIE, I GOT THE REWRITE.
BUT I DON´T UNDERSTAND. IF YOU
DIDN´T LIKE THE WAY I WAS SAYING
THE LINE, WHY DIDN´T YOU
JUST TELL ME TO MY FACE?
>> NO, DARLING, IT´S NOT YOU.
YOU´RE GOLD. I-IT´S THE
STANDARDS AND PRACTICES
DEPARTMENT. YOU KNOW, IT´S OK,
YOU KNOW, FOR TONY SOPRANO´S
BEST FRIEND TO BE NAMED PUSSY,
BUT WE´RE TELEVISION, NOT HBO,
SO WE CAN´T USE THE P-WORD
ON THE NETWORK. THAT´S ALL.
>> BUT I CAN´T SAY THAT. I MEAN,
IT DOESN´T SOUND NATURAL.
ALLEGRA´S A GROWN WOMAN.
I MEAN, ONLY A CHILD WOULD REFER
TO HER LABIA AS A--
>> CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY,
SHE´S A VICTIM OF ABUSE, OK?
ANY REFERENCE TO HER FEMALE
PARTS INFANTILIZES HER, OK?
END OF STORY. NOW, I WANT YOU
TO PLAY AGAINST THE SOUND--
>> YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHIN´,
FREDDIE? YOU ARE RIGHT.
OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE A GENIUS.
I´M INFANTILIZED. MAYBE I
COULD GURGLE LIKE A BABY,
LIKE...
[GURGLING]
NANA!
>> ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR
CLOSE-UP, DR. McNAMARA? HUH?
HUH? EH? EH? HEH? I DON´T KNOW
ABOUT YOU, BUT I FEEL LIKE MY
WHOLE LIFE HAS BUILT UP FOR THIS
MOMENT IN TIME RIGHT NOW.
HEH HEH HEH. DO YOU REALIZE
THAT IN ONE NIGHT, MORE PEOPLE
WILL SEE US THAN WE´LL MEET
IN A WHOLE LIFETIME.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN´ AT?
>> NOTHING. JUST--I THINK
YOU NEED A LITTLE SOMETHIN´
AROUND THE PLUGS.
>> SHIT. SERIOUSLY? PRACTICALLY
SPRAYED A WHOLE CAN OF
SPRAY-PAINT ON MY HEAD. THEY
SAID IT WOULDN´T SHOW ON CAMERA.
>> WELL, THEY´RE PROS.
I´M SURE THEY KNOW WHAT
THEY´RE TALKIN´ ABOUT.
>> TELL ME. YOU TELL ME. HUH?
>> NO, IT´S OK.
>> IT´S OK?
>> IT´S FINE.
>> YOU´RE SURE?
>> YEAH.
[BELL RINGS]
>> WHOO.
>> "A" CAMERA MARKER.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
>> YOU DON´T UNDERSTAND. I CAN´T
WEAR MY LADY CHA-CHA ON MY LIPS.
I JUST CAN´T. IT´LL BE
A CONSTANT REMINDER OF--
>> OF WHAT, ALLEGRA? YOU CAN
TELL ME. I´M YOUR DOCTOR.
>> MY FATHER TOUCHED THOSE LIPS.
[SOBS] HE USED TO COME INTO
MY ROOM AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE GIRL AND--
>> LET IT OUT.
>> AND ABUSE ME. [SOBS] I JUST
CAN´T WEAR MY SHAME ON MY FACE.
>> [SHUSHING] NO ONE WILL KNOW
I PUT YOUR LADY CHA-CHA
ON YOUR FACE.
>> I´M GONNA GET A HUMANITAS
FOR THIS.
>> YOU HAVE MY WORD. DOCTOR.
>> YOU WERE RIGHT, DOCTOR.
>> WHAT IS THAT, ANOTHER
SURGEON, OR IS THAT A CHIA PET?
THAT´S--THAT´S DISGUSTING. GET--
GET OFF HIM.
>> ...ELASTIC FIBERS ALLOW
FOR LESS CONTRACTION DURING THE
HEALING AND RECOVERY PROCESS.
>> SHE´S READY WHEN YOU ARE,
DOCTOR.
>> 15 BLADE.
>> I´M PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.
COULD HEAR A PIN DROP WHEN I WAS
SAYING MY LINES.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> APPARENTLY THE MERGER´S
OFFICIAL, AND OUR LITTLE BOBBY
HAS BEEN ASKED TO BE CHAIRMAN
AND C.E.O. OF THE PARENT
COMPANY. HE´S VERY EXCITED,
BUT UNDERSTANDABLY
A LITTLE STRESSED.
>> WHO IS THAT, MAN?
SHE´S KIND OF HOT.
>> BOB EASTON´S ONE-WOMAN
STRESS MANAGEMENT.
>> MR. EASTON, PULL DOWN
THE BLANKET.
>> I-I´M GOOD.
>> IN SHOCK.
>> I´M GOOD.
>> I NEED TO EXAMINE YOUR
SUTURES. LET GO OF THE BLANKET.
>> JESUS.
>> IT´S NOT HER FAULT.
SHE WANTED TO STOP, BUT I
BEGGED HER TO KEEP GOIN´.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
I WANNA THANK YOU GUYS.
LESSER MEN WOULD HAVE KICKED ME
TO THE CURB.
>> YOU KNOW, I´M HAVING A HARD
TIME UNDERSTANDING HOW SUCH
A SMART GUY COULD BE SO STUPID.
IN ADDITION TO COMPROMISING
OUR PRACTICE, YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT LIVES IN THE HUMAN MOUTH?
IT´S A CESSPOOL. YOU RISKED
SEPSIS, HEPATITIS B.
>> I KNOW. I KNOW. I HAVE
A PROBLEM, OK? FOR THE RECORD,
I DECIDED NOT TO TAKE THE JOB.
I´M OUT. YOU KNOW, IT´S ONLY
A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL THIS TOWN
EATS YOU GUYS ALIVE. YOU MAY
WANNA PACK UP YOUR SCALPELS
AND HEAD BACK TO MIAMI WHILE
YOUR SOULS ARE STILL INTACT.
[GAS HISSING]
>> COUNT BACK FROM 10 FOR ME.
>> 10, 9...
>> [SOBBING]
>> OH, LOOK. THAT WAS A GREAT
IDEA. YOU SEE THE FACE?
>> YOU DON´T UNDERSTAND. I CAN´T
WEAR MY LADY CHA-CHA ON MY LIPS.
>> HONEY, IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH
THE SHAME OF CALLING YOUR LABIA
MINORA A LADY CHA-CHAS, THEN YOU
CAN PAINT ´EM BRIGHT ORANGE AND
WEAR ´EM ON YOUR FOREHEAD.
>> SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
>> OF WHAT, ALLEGRA?
>> UM...
>> I´M YOUR DOCTOR. YOU CAN
TELL ME ANYTHING.
>> MY FATHER TOUCHED THOSE LIPS.
[SOBS] HE USED TO COME INTO
MY ROOM AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE GIRL AND--
>> LET IT OUT.
>> AND ABUSE ME.
>> LOOK, LOOK. DADDY´S GONNA BE
ON TV.
>> OH, SEAN, LOOK.
YOU LOOK REALLY MOVED.
>> HEY, WILL YOU GUYS BE--
>> IT WAS WEIRD. I SORT OF WAS.
>> BE QUIET, PLEASE, ALL RIGHT?
[AIDAN SHUSHING] NO ONE WILL
KNOW I PUT YOUR LADY CHA-CHA
ON YOUR FACE. YOU HAVE MY WORD.
DOCTOR.
[GAS HISSING]
>> SHE´S READY WHEN YOU ARE,
DOCTOR.
>> WH-WHAT? WAIT, WAIT. WHAT
THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SPEECH?
>> DOCTOR.
[GAS HISSING]
>> SHE´S READY WHEN YOU ARE,
DOCTOR.
>> 15 BLADE.
>> THEY CUT OUT
THE WHOLE SPEECH.
>> OH, NO, YOU´RE NOT, NOT
COMPLETELY. I MEAN, THE BACK
OF YOUR HEAD, VERY DISTINCTIVE.
>> THIS IS THAT AIDAN STONE. I´M
TELLIN´ YOU, HE FELT THREATENED
BY ME, COULDN´T HANDLE THE HEAT.
>> COME ON, CHRISTIAN.
IT´S JUST A STUPID TV SHOW.
>> WHAT? McNAMARA/TROY CANNOT
BE ASSOCIATED WITH THIS KIND
OF SCHLOCK, MY FRIEND. THAT´S
ALL THERE IS TO IT. WE HAVE
A REPUTATION TO PROTECT.
THEY CAN TAKE THIS SHITTY SHOW
AND SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASSES.
WE DON´T NEED THAT KIND OF
EXPOSURE, SEAN. WE GOT CARLY,
AND OUR WORK WILL SPEAK
FOR ITSELF.
>> YOU SIGNED A CONFIDENTIALITY
AGREEMENT, REMEMBER?
>> YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.
>> IT´S LIKE CARLY
NEVER HAPPENED.
>> EXCUSE ME. DIDN´T I SEE YOU
LAST NIGHT ON HEARTS ´N
SCALPELS? OHH! LAST NIGHT´S
EPISODE WAS AWESOME.
EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT.
LOOK. IT´S THE NEW CUTE DOCTOR
FROM HEARTS ´N SCALPELS.
>> OH, WOW. YOU WERE GREAT. IT
WAS LIKE WATCHING A REAL DOCTOR.
>> WELL, ACTUALLY I AM.
THEY HIRED ME TO CONSULT.
>> HEY, YOU´RE A REAL
PLASTIC SURGEON?
>> YES, I--
>> DO YOU HAVE A CARD? MY WIFE´S
BEEN HOUNDING ME TO GET SOME
WORK DONE. YOU MUST BE
PRETTY GOOD. EVERY SURGEON
IN BEVERLY HILLS MUST HAVE
BEEN AFTER THAT JOB.
>> HERE.
>> ♫ THERE´S TALK ON THE STREET,
IT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR... ♫
>> THANKS.
>> SURE. SURE RENAULT, RIGHT?
OH. HI.
>> ♫ EVERYBODY´S WATCHIN´ YOU ♫
[SUCTION]
>> LIPO´S A HARSH PROCEDURE.
THE KEY IS TO USE SHORT,
EVEN STROKES AND AVOID
EXCESSIVE BRUISING.
>> WOW. [SIGHS] THAT LOOKS
JUST SO REAL WHEN YOU DO IT.
>> THIS IS REAL, REMEMBER?
>> YEAH, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW
I WANT THE SHOW TO LOOK FROM
NOW ON. I WENT ONLINE THE OTHER
NIGHT AFTER WE AIRED AND GOT OUR
HIGHEST RATINGS EVER. YOU KNOW
WHAT I KEPT READING ABOUT
IN ALL THE HEARTS ´N SCALPEL
CHAT ROOMS? SURGERY. THEY LOVE
THE SURGERY. EVERYBODY THOUGHT
THAT IT BROUGHT A HEIGHTENED
SENSE OF REALISM AND--AND DRAMA
TO THE SHOW.
>> YOU´RE KIDDING.
>> NO, NO. ME DOING
REALISTIC SURGERY--
>> YOU CAN´T--CAN´T DO THAT.
>> RIGHT. RIGHT. JUST WHAT
THE FANS WANNA SEE. AND YOU,
MY FRIEND, YOU ARE THE GUY
THAT´S GONNA MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
>> I´M JUST HAPPY TO DO MY PART.
>> SPEAKING OF WHICH, I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED ON SET THE OTHER DAY,
HOW YOU SPOKE TO ME.
>> LOOK, I DIDN´T MEAN--
>> THANK YOU. I NEEDED TO
HEAR IT. YOU KNOW, IT--IT´S HARD
BEING THE SOLE CREATIVE FORCE
BEHIND A HIT SHOW. EVERYTHING IS
RIDING ON MY BROAD SHOULDERS
ALL THE TIME, AND THE PRESSURE
GETS TO ME.
>> [CLEARS THROAT]
WHAT´S HE DOING HERE?
>> CHRISTOPHER.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY MAN.
YOUR BETTER HALF´S GIVING ME
SOME POINTERS ON THE SHOW. IT´S
AWESOME STUFF. LISTEN, YOU HAVE
ANY NOTES IN THE NEXT SCRIPT,
YOU GIVE ME A CALL, OK?
>> YEAH.
>> WE SHOULD DO A MEAL SOON.
YOU BEEN TO THE IVY YET? YOU GOT
MY DIGITS, RIGHT? LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT YOU. HA HA HA!
>> IT´S CHRISTIAN.
SO WHAT´S HE TALKIN´ ABOUT? HUH?
I THOUGHT WE AGREED WE WEREN´T
DOING THE TV SHOW.
>> I NEVER COMMITTED TO THAT.
YOU´RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO
QUIT BECAUSE YOU WERE CUT OUT.
>> ♫ THERE´S A NEW KID IN TOWN,
I DON´T WANNA HEAR IT... ♫
>> IS THAT THE LADY FROM...
>> THE HOT DOG STAND. YEAH.
>> HMM.
>> AND SOME COLD CALLS CAME IN
THIS MORNING FROM FANS
OF THE SHOW.
>> GREAT. NOW THE BALL´S OFF
AND ROLLING, WE DON´T HAVE TO DO
THAT STUPID, SHITTY TV SHOW,
RIGHT?
>> YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT,
BUT I´M DOIN´ THE SHOW,
CHRISTIAN. FIONA WAS RIGHT.
IT´S GOOD FOR BUSINESS.
>> YOU MEAN IT´S GOOD
FOR YOUR EGO.
>> ♫ THERE´S A NEW KID IN TOWN,
THERE´S A NEW KID IN TOWN ♫
[MONITOR BEEPING]
>> EVERYTHING´S WHERE IT OUGHT
TO BE, MINIMAL BRUISING
AND SWELLING.
>> [PANTING]
>> WHAT IS IT?
>> OH, I JUST DIDN´T KNOW
IT WAS GONNA HURT SO MUCH.
>> I COULD UP YOUR MORPHINE
IF YOU LIKE.
>> NO. UH-UH. COMING DOWN
OFF THAT STUFF´S A...
EVEN BIGGER BITCH.
>> I´M SORRY.
>> I´M GLAD.
I NEEDED TO. RIGHT?
>> SEE IF WE CAN MOVE
MRS. SIEBERT´S BROW-LIFT TO
3:00. THAT WAY, WE CAN STILL FIT
IN MRS. KASHOGGI´S TUMMY TUCK
BEFORE SHE LEAVES FOR CABO.
DR. TROY CAN DO IT.
>> MRS. KASHOGGI WAS VERY CLEAR.
SHE WANTS YOU TO DO THE SURGERY.
>> SEEMS LIKE BUSINESS
IS FINALLY PICKING UP.
>> DO I NEED TO TAKE OUT
A RESTRAINING ORDER? LEAVE.
>> I WATCHED YOU ON TELEVISION
LAST NIGHT, DOCTOR. YOU WERE
VERY HANDSOME AND VERY
CONVINCING. I CAN ALREADY TELL
YOU´RE GONNA DO QUITE WELL
FOR YOURSELF IN THIS TOWN.
>> THAT´S RIGHT, WHICH MEANS
WE DON´T NEED TO SEE YOU OR
YOUR SICKO CLIENTS ANY LONGER.
>> HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY´S
VARIETY? THIS SICKO HAS
JUST CLIMBED UP ANOTHER RUNG
ON THE LADDER.
>> "BOB EASTON NAMED C.E.O.
AFTER MERGER." HE TOLD ME
HE WAS LEAVING TOWN.
>> I GUESS THE RUSH OF POWER´S
JUST TOO ADDICTIVE TO WALK AWAY
FROM. CALL ME.
>> I DON´T NEED YOUR KIND
OF HELP.
>> YOU WILL.
[DIALING]
>> US WEEKLY. THIS IS MIRANDA
SPEAKING.
>> GUESS WHO JUST GOT
A FACE-LIFT. CARLY SUMMERS. YES,
THAT CARLY SUMMERS. IT DOESN´T
MATTER WHO I AM, BUT, UH,
THE SURGEON WHO DID HER WORK
IS DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.
[BEEP]